


Of Jealousy and Gee-Gees

by Shocotate



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Greed has many crazy moneymaking schemes, Horse Racing, Horses, Pre-Canon, Sibling Bonding, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 04:17:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15331551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shocotate/pseuds/Shocotate
Summary: In which Greed's schemed up a new plan to make money, and it involves Envy as a racehorse and Pride as his jockey. Set early-mid 1700s.





	Of Jealousy and Gee-Gees

**Author's Note:**

> This crazy idea came from one of my Envy headcanon posts on Tumblr ^^; Also from my tumblr prompt requested by 64K, “You need to control your temper.” I hope you like it, sorry if you expected something angsty hehe...
> 
> This is also the first time writing from Envy's point of view, and he's only very young in this fic, hope I did an ok job with him!
> 
> Also this is set a few years before Avarice Makes Strange Bedfellows, 5 at maximum :)

_Look at them._ Thinking they’re so primped up and perfect, trotting along without a care in the world, eating _grass_ and _dirt._ Well, that’s probably what they deserved.

Envy huffed behind the bit in his mouth. His feet stamped in the morning grass. He couldn’t really tell if they were other racehorses without their flashy coats on (Envy wondered if Lust was sorting out his own, wherever she was right now), but he was better than them in every way, not a perfect horse like him. Pride’d said as much, pasterns (was that the word?) at exact 45-degree angles like he specified from behind that book he’d buried his nose in, and everything else perfectly proportioned.

Even so, faint touches of red flittered over his brown hair – a colour called bay for horses, apparently – and down to his black ‘socks’, making more adjustments. Looked just like Envy’s real and _beautiful_ self that way.

“Resentful of those lesser beasts?”

His ears twitched, catching the little giggle above him.

“You need to control your temper, little brother.”

Big Brother’s barely noticeable weight plonked against his neck. Not that it hurt or anything. For all Brother’s slimy (they were _definitely_ slimy) shadows squished inside him, his tiny body didn’t really register on Envy’s back at all, only the drooping tails of his longcoat draping either side of the saddle. Pipsqueaks were best suited for jockeying anyway, and it wasn’t like any _human_ would _ever_ be Envy’s jockey.

“and horses do not _spark_.” He slapped at the red flashes with the crop, one hand caught up in his luxurious mane.

"What for? Greed said to be assertive, and confident!" Envy reared up his head magnificently. He heard Pride sputter on the stray strands of his mane, and he tugged on the reigns to steady him.

"Hush, Envy. Horses do not _talk_ , either.”

Pride pushed him along into a trot, brushing out any tangles with his fingers. He murmured to him, close enough so no human would ever hear.

“Confidence is important, but do not worry, you _will_ win every race.”

The current youngest homunculus flicked his flowing, blunt edged tail at the praise, feeling all warm, or maybe he was just hungry. Dumb as it was, some oats and carrots wouldn’t go amiss right now. Not that he could eat much else with these horse teeth; He needed to get back to his real form and eat something with some _meat_ in it. Pride had spotted the pointed teeth in his mouth before…

**_Horses do_ not _have sharp teeth, Envy, they are herbivorous._**

So he could make do with oats ‘til he got home.

“The humans will adore you, rain their paltry praises upon you and say…um…”

Envy heard Pride shift, hopping onto the stirrups and shouting over his head.

“ _George_!” Brother’s decidedly deeper than usual human voice echoed across the field. “What’s the horse’s name?”

Cracked a little at the end, though.

Greed turned to them with his regular grin, a woman on his arm. Envy hoped he was bragging to her about _them_ and all the races they were gonna win.

“Hoof Hearted.” Greed called.

That didn’t sound right. The woman blushed and tittered under her parasol.

“ _George_.” And Pride just ignored her.

“Er, Equinox or somethin’. Think _Hippolyta_ ’s sorting out the details.”

Must’ve been Lust, Envy thought. At first his older sister had scoffed and dismissed Big Brother’s plan as nonsense. Of course, once _Bigger_ (smaller) Brother finally came around she’d fallen over herself in support of it. Perhaps their enthusiasm had infected her, too. Didn’t she see how clever Greed’s plan was? Who needed real animals to take them places (and win horse races) with him around? Father would be pleased too, Envy told himself.

“…Well, anyway, they shall say ‘ _dear Equinox is first, and the others are nowhere’_ , flawless stallion that you shall be. But if you're too aggressive to the other horses, they won't let you run. They'll think you're too sprightly, and then they’ll suggest we get you _gelded_."

 _That_ got his attention. Greed waved the woman off to a bench or something and rushed up to them both, almost slipping in the dew on his pointy shoes.

"Woah! Don't say things like that, you'll scare him. 'Sides, if poor _Equi_ gets gelded we can't get that sweet stud fee money. Sure us lot’re infertile so they won't _get_ any foals, but who cares by then."

At some point Pride must’ve slid out of the saddle, and he strode along to Greed, pulling him aside with ease, only a head or so shorter than him. Something seemed different about his usually very bored eldest brother in his older shape. He stood in his not so little coat, jockey cap covering his eyes, one hand loosely holding the crop, and the other tucked into his pocket.

“Greed, listen.”

He dragged Greed down the few inches to whisper. Envy strained his sensitive ears towards them.

 “All… _this,_ is all well and good. It is helping Envy refine his abilities in a more public setting I must admit… but, surely you know that…” Pride lifted his cap, staring the younger homunculus straight in the eyes. Envy tilted his horsy head to watch them both properly. Stupid blindspot.

 _“…_ You only keep the money if the mare bears a nursing foal.”

Brother whispered it with the _utmost_ sincerity, but Envy knew enough about smirks in his half-dozen years to see the knowing one that glittered in Pride’s sharper teenage eyes. It was a good look, though he didn’t really know _why._

Greed just blinked his spectacle covered eyes, like the words hadn’t reached him yet.

They sank in very, very slowly, until…

“….FU--”

Envy’s ears flattened against his head at the noise, cringing and whinnying.

It was the loudest fuck Envy had ever heard.

Hmph, and Pride said _he_ needed to control his temper!

**Author's Note:**

> Oh Greed you dummy, focus on one part of the scheme first before thinking of what you're gonna do once Envy retires!
> 
> and yes, Hoof Hearted is the name of a real race horse :3 I was thinking of using Amestrian Equestrian but it's too wordy to sound proper in a sentence ^^;


End file.
